Thursday, 17 February 2011

parent and teen relationships


The following infromation is from an article I found on the internet.
Without a doubt this is the most intense of all relationships, sparks alternately flying around and threatening to blaze the surroundings and then coming to rest in the intimate warmth of a glowing campfire. Until adolescence, the mother-daughter relationship is one of general warmth and closeness
But during adolescence, some say when the teenage daughter is faced with the task of differentiating herself, the mother-daughter relationship becomes one of alternating intimacy and hate, both marked with an intensity that only teenagers can bring to a relationship and bring out of their parents.
Teenage girls want both their freedom from and their connection to their mothers, but they are just not sure how to do this and as a result give lots of mixed messages. When teenage daughters are exercising their autonomy in their attempts to construct a differentiated self, they push their moms away. But given the female inclination towards relationships and connection, moms are not going to take these pushes passively. Just when their daughters need independence, their moms need connection.
On the other hand, when daughters are looking for connection, they typically turn to their mothers. When the mom is available, these are some of the most treasured and intimate moments between mothers and daughters; they just don't last all that long.
The dangerous dynamic here is that mothers, in their attempts to keep the relationship alive and healthy, might smother their daughters. Mothers have to learn to stay close while also giving their daughters the space in which to claim their independence.
the link to this article is below.
http://life.familyeducation.com/parenting/teen/42917.html

This information relates to my play as the relationship between the main character jade and her mother is somewhat strained. As seen in my first scene they have an argument as the mother tries to make her stay home but she wants to go out and have some fun. This relates to the idea that a daughter pushes her mother away to gain independence and privacy, and the mother tries to keep her close and remain as connected and close as before.

This leads to the parent teen conflict. this is part of another article.

There are many important misunderstandings that occur both with the parent and with the adolescent that, if recognized would not only reduce conflict, but strengthen the relationship, even if it seems there is hardly one there. While arguments between a parent and their teen are not of itself a bad thing, the manner in which they choose to resolve these disagreements is what ultimately determines the outcome and anxiety in each encounter.
Working through the teenage years is just as hard, and probably harder, for your teen as it is you, the adult. As parents we learn how to nurture and control our children as they grow from babies into young children. Most of the rules and boundaries we put on them are to keep them close and safe. As they reach the adolescent years however, our children’s natural instinct is to pull away and develop a sense of autonomy from the family. For many parents, this can instil a sense of sheer panic and for a teen, whether they admit it or not, stepping out of the nest for the first time can be extremely scary. It is a tense and emotional time for everyone.
For the most part, all teens are rebellious, self-focused, argumentative, critical, and moody. Often, they can become somewhat aggressive, talking loudly, showing off, and otherwise being obnoxious. Because of this parents and teens fight more because they are constantly pushing at each other.  
this is the link to that article.

This relates to my radio play as my main character is self focused and somewhat rebellious and moody. the conflict between her mother means the relationship is strained and distant and this is typical of some teen relationships today, meaning that my relationship between mother and daughter is more realistic as it is based on real life.